first world problems.

It's amazing how quickly shit can start to suck. A few weeks ago everything was going super rad and I was like 'okay...what's the catch'. So maybe I brought it on myself haha. Either way suddenly everything feels really fucking bleak. I love playing in ex so why am I fucking up so bad every time we play? I hate my lyrics and the shit I say between songs and the way I can't play as well as the other guys are and yeah...fuck. Crushes are stupid too. Unrealistic, unrequited ones that I don't even fucking want. Why haven't I been able to accept the fact that a) I'm going to be alone anyway unless I meet someone blind or with some weird pathological attraction to ugly people and b) I'm much, much better off this way anyway? Shit. And gear worries. And my incredible paranoia acting up again so I'm there thinking that my band is seen as this huge joke to all the, fuck I dunno crusties or hesh people or whatever, all the people I've been around for so long and actually kinda consider friends or whatever; how I've always felt inferior and out of place and how I keep thinking that to them ex is 'dase's emo thing' (derisive sneer). And the fact that I've got three weeks of uni left and then I have no idea what the fuck I'm going to do. I know what I need to do (move out, work) but I'm so fucking scared. And me drinking and flying into super rages straight away that make me try to fight anyone who's a smug dick to me. And friends being in such horrible, messy, much worse places and I don't know what I can do for them. And the fact that plowing my car into concrete barrier on the way home keeps seeming like the easiest way to solve this all.

Balanced I guess against the fact that I know these days I'll never do something like that, no exactly where those thoughts are coming from and how to ignore them. And how different that is from a few years ago and how lucky I am to have survived those years.

And so what am I gonna do about it? Well I made a mix of all the embarassing music I'm sort of ashamed to admit is like my paranoia, self hatred depression music. Here it is.

1 Engine Down - songbird

2 Red House Painters - medicine bottle

3 Cat Power - good woman

4 Wrangler Brutes - sudden adult death syndrome

5 David Bowie - ashes to ashes

6 Billy Bragg - levi stubbs tears

7 Feist - lonely lonely

8 Fleetwood Mac - the chain

9 Five Eight - she's sleeping (I hate this version btw, demo is way better)

10 Frodus - 6/99

11 Pygmylush - dreams are class

12 Unwound - october all over

13 Dinosaur Jr - raisins

14 The Hal Al Shedad - ivan's devil

15 Small Brown Bike - the outline of yr hand

16 Steve Von Till - willow tree

17 Afghan Whigs - my curse

18 City of Caterpillar - maybe they'll gnaw right through

http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?qog0xwtjgxf

http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?tgmwjghbwlq

the 90s, lulz - part 2: cabin fever

ENGINE KID - 'BEAR CATCHING FISH'

Featuring XGreg AndersonX who would later go on to fame as that guy who isn't Steven O'Malley in Sunn / one of the first people convicted and executed for crimes against the climate at the UN environment-crimes trials of 2037 for irreparable damage done to mother gaia via the continued exposure of petroleum products, specifically the manufacture of unnecessary editions of coloured vinyl on Southern Lord records (gatefold sleeve 4xLP remix available for preorder now).

You know what? I don't remember this being this good. I must've heard some other kind of era Engine Kid because this shit is actually pretty cool. Rev records post hardcore rock stuff, chuggy but with melody and a fair degree of Slint/Touch and Go worship in parts. Worth a listen at least, even for the excerable cover.

http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?hmounyiojfz

the 90s, lulz - part 1: grandfather clock.

Roosevelt's Inaugural Parade - Discography

I've mentioned on here before that I was reading about a lot of bands in well thumbed copies of status and second nature during the time they were around, but my only real exposure to them was through the occasional mixtape and the comps that came with a lot of those zines. Then came the internet and downloading music (for me only in the last year or so. Haha yeah. Lame). And I could finally listen to some of those bands I'd always pictured as being so amazing and so far away from whatever high school angst I was stuck in. A lot of it is music I would hate if a band were playing it today, unless I had some connection to it where I could judge it by some arbitrary standard as 'sincere' or some shit. But yeah. A lot of that music belongs in the time and I enjoy it as that. Otherwise known as 'haha...the 90s...um, yeah'.

Next few posts are going to be devoted to those kinda bands. Including this one, whom I never actually heard until recently. Roosevelt's Inaugural Parade. I think they did a demo, 7" and a split 7" with someone. Noisy, heart on sleeve 'emo' hardcore, very earnest and sincere. Reminds me a bit of Car Vs Driver except they have the sung, Ashes-steez female vocals. Contrasted against the noise of the music and the other vocals it sits really well. Good listen.

http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?zmyfonnhmzd